Sorry for Not Exposing Wickham

After finding out my sisters plans with Wickham I regret that I didn't expose his true character when I had the chance. I must leave the Pemberely estate as soon as possible and get home to my family. The Gardiners must come with me as they are family too. When I informed Darcy of the situation he too blamed himself for not revealing to everyone the true Mr. Wickham when he had the chance. I regret breaking my promise for a dinner engagment, but we must leave as soon as possible in hopes of stopping the worst mistake this family could ever experience. What a public humiliation it would be for Lydia to be married to such a crook and gold digger. Lets just pray that we still have time to stop this mess.

Eloping

After returing from my prior engaments with the Darcy's I find two letters from Jane stating that Lydia has or is going to elope with Wickham. What is Lydia thinking! You don't just go off and marry any handsome looking man that comes your way. Shes my sister, doesn't she have the same mind set as me in which you marry for love? I wonder what my mother thinks. She is probably jumping for joy right at this very moment that one of her daughter finally has then sense to get married. I whish that Lydia would be in touch so that we could possibly stop her from making the worst mistake of her life.

Darcy Speaks Highly of Me

I cannot believe that Darcy just said that he thinks I am one of the most beautiful women he has ever laid eyes on. Is this man insane! Did he not understand that no matter what he says or does my mind is made up on the subject of marrying him? However, this complement has the plus of being a stake to the heart for Miss Bingley to hear. What would posses her to sit here and judge me this whole visit. Does she really think that shining the lime light on some of the not so pretty moments of my life are gonna make Darcy like her instead of me? Goes to show her that Darcy does have some sense in chosing between a real women and a fake women . Maybe if she stoped trying to change herself for him he would like her too.

Accounts of Pemberely

While walking the grounds of this wonderfully beautiful estate I can't not help but think of Darcy and what it would be like to live her as his mistress. Everyone seems to be so friendly and agreeable, even the house keepers seem to love it here. Mrs. Reynolds, one of the maids, has been most kind as to show me portraits of Darcy and Wickham as young children. She speaks of Mr. Darcy very highly and thinks him to be a most agreeable and kind hearted man. I found this information on Darcy had to believe, since I found him to be most disagreeable and arrogant. And if visting here didn't make me feel guilty enough on one of our walks we just happened to stumble upon Mr. Darcy himself. I felt like such a fool for being found here at his estate after what had happened between us and apologized many a times to him. I also had to make it known to him that the only reason I came was because I thought he would not be home, I didn't want him to get the wrong idea that I came to see him.

Summer Trips to Debyshire

The arrival of my summer trip could not get here soon enough. My mother and Kitty have had nothing better to do then complain of boredm ever since Lydia left for Brighton. Know with the postponal of the trip coming as a blow to my excitment what am I to do. I have to wait longer than planned and my patience is runnning thin. On top of that instead of traveling the whole countryside the Gardiners have decided to travel to Debyshire which happens to be where Pemberely is located, the home of Mr. Darcy and his family. I am hoping and praying that I do not run into him while vacationg here. How would I react to seeming him after what happened the last time we were together. Lucky, his family happens to be out vactioning this summer also. You don't know the relief that has brought me to not have to worry about seeing him. Know just to enjoy the fresh summer air and the relaxtaion of being away from home.

Officers leaving Meryton

What must go on in my sister's minds to think of the officers in Meryton all the time. Now that the men have gone to Brighton all Kitty and Lydia can do is beg my father to allow them to go and visit. Don't they know that there is more to live then just flirting with the soldiers in town. I feel sorry that that is what brings them joy . Since the invation for Lydia going to stay with the Foster's in Brighton has been known, the begging to my father has ceased. I do not agree with him allowing her to go, but he thinks that it will do her good to to see how she fits in with the women of that town. How could I forget about my seeing Wickham upon the departure of the soldiers from Meryton. What joy it brought me to rub in his face the status of me and Mr. Darcy's relationship. I hope that he understood the fact that we are no longer on good terms with each other.

Telling Jane

I finally told Jane about Darcy's proposal. She was shocked to hear that I had turned him down and upset to think about the pain such a rejection would cause him. I knew that she would react this way so I was glad that I left out the parts that I knew would be too hard for her to handle. I also told her about what a lying cheat Wickham is. She was again shocked to hear this about a man she thought to be pure and true. Being so upset to find this out about a man we trusted, we both wanted to expose him to everyone in town, but we decided not to say anything. This was very hard for me to agree with, being so angry with myself for believing what that man had said to me, but I knew it was the right thing to do. Now I just need to keep Jane from the truth about why Bingely left and life will be back to normal.

Leaving Rosings

Darcy and Colonel Fitzwilliam are departing Rosings today. I am sad to see them go, but what a relief it brings me to know that I don't have to worry about running into Darcy anymore. I myself am leaving Rosings in a week. The Collins have made my visit most enjoyable and my gratitude towards them is too much to be expressed. Lady Catherine would like me to stay another month, but I must get home to my family. I have so much to tell to my sisters that my letters could not. I wonder what they will think of my refusal of Darcy's hand in marraige? I wonder how they are doing and into what trouble Lydia might have gotten herself? I guess I will soon find out.

What to Think

After wandering around for hours in the garden trying to figure out what is the truth, I am still unsure what to believe. For know I must put on a fake smile and act cheerful for fear of anyone finding out what has happened between me and Darcy. Colonel Fitzwilliam has arrived at Rosings and has been waiting for me for hours to return from my walk. I think he knows that I have rejected Darcy's proposal. I hope he hasn't said anything to Charlotte or Collins, I'm not ready for them to know. What are they going to think when they hear of what I have done. It shouldn't matter to me anyways its my life and I'll live it how I want to.

A letter from Darcy

I am shocked to hear what Darcy has reavealed to me. I never would have thought that he was only trying to protect his friend when he split Bingley and Jane apart. I only saw it as a way to keep my sister from the man she loved. And how could I have ever thought Wickham to be an honorable man? He is quite the opposite. Poor Miss Darcy, she had no idea that he was only using her to get to her fortune. Maybe I have underestimated Mr. Darcy's true character and he is not the arrogant man I have seen him to be, but caring and truthful and only protecting the ones he loves the most from harm.

You Really Want to Marry Me?

I am so taken back that Mr. Darcy would even have the thought in his mind of marrying me! This man must not see the animosity that I have for him. After what he did to Jane how could he even think that I would ever be able to love him. He had it in his mind that I was going to say yes like every other girl who marries for everything but love and what a shock it was to him to hear me decline. The thought of me saying no never crossed his mind until the words came out of my mouth, that was sure to wound his pride. I'm just worried about what everyone will think when they hear of this.

My Time at Rosings

I have been at Rosings some time now and the visits with Lady Catherine are starting to get to me. She doesn't know when to stop with the narrcasstic over opinonated comments. Ohh how I would love to just tell her what I really thought of her advice. And for her to judge the way my mother has brought me and my sisters up, how dare she! Why is it any of her business how I was raised as a child? I considered leaving and going to visit Jane early, but I couldn't bring myself to leave Charlotte. She has really enjoyed my company and I can't comprehend what she would think if I left early. I guess I am just going to have to spend the rest of my time writing letters to Jane and walking in the garden. Maybe doing that won't make me so miserable.